The Walk...

Thursday, October 14, 2010, 10:00 am

Oh wow… I should have known.  Certainly I could have anticipated it.  But I didn’t. My mind was swirling with all that I need to do today, having returned last night from a week in Chicago.  You know… pick up the mail, catch up on laundry, make a dentist appointment, return my doctor’s phone call, contact Christopher’s math tutor to explain why he and Paul were ‘no-shows’ yesterday (they had the time wrong), write 200 vocabulary words and definitions on flash cards for Emily, pick Christopher up at noon from school (half days), take him to soccer practice and so on. 

I drove here, parked in the ramp, took the elevator down to the ground floor, took a hit of hand sanitizer, got my ‘visitor’ badge and started heading down the hall.  And then BAM!  I literally stopped dead in my tracks.  My breath caught and without a thought, the tears welled up and were streaming down my cheeks; all the feelings, emotions and memories flooding back as though gates had been thrown open.  I pulled out my phone and began photographing the walk.  I’d never taken pictures of it.  I know Paul won’t want to see them.  He doesn’t like ‘going there’ but for me, returning to those days is a form of therapy.  Yes, I’m here at Children’s Hospital, sitting in The Friendly Café.  That walk from the lobby to the elevator is much too familiar.  I wish I could say I didn’t know it, that I’d never made it before.  Six months ago that would have been a true statement, but not today.  It is now an integral part of my story.  The month that Christopher was a patient here will forever be embedded in my mind. 

 So what does Laura do when confronted with her emotional reality?  She pulls out her laptop, logs on and lets her fingers take over.  I have only a few moments before my hero arrives.  I’m having ‘cuppa’ with Dr. Newman, Christopher’s ICU doctor.  We haven’t seen each other since Tuesday, May 18^th, the day he was discharged.  We’ve exchanged e-mails and spoken on the phone about getting together but it has taken us almost 5 months to make it happen.  I’ve gotten myself a cup of coffee and I am pulled together pretty well.  But I know it will happen all over again when I see her walk in…the memories, the feelings, and the tears.  Oh well… it will be worth it.  Spending an hour with Vivienne Newman is a privilege and I will be honored to be in her presence.  She is coming here directly from the airport, having just dropped her son off as he is leaving for Israel.  Perhaps we will have a good cry together over our sons… two boys a decade apart in age, a world apart in life-experience.  Our tears for different reasons, but tears of love as deep as love can be… the love mothers feel for their precious children.