Remembering My Sweet Mama

We celebrated my mom’s life last weekend in Oklahoma City. I wrote her eulogy (below) a couple weeks ago and when I was unexpectedly unable to attend her memorial service, my sweet daughter, Emily offered to read it on my behalf. Grief is its’ own animal… I don’t think it ever goes away but rather changes as time marches on. I have several voicemails from Mom that are too difficult to listen to for now. But when the day comes that her voice begins fading from my memory, I’ll pull them out and cherish every word I hear. 

Writing my mom’s eulogy was bittersweet… I was hit hard with the reality that she’s no longer with us yet at the same time, it was a beautiful walk down memory lane. 

Mom was born and raised in Okeene, Oklahoma, a town with a population of about eleven hundred people. Her dad worked for the local gas company, her mom stayed home full-time and her Grandma Dumler lived with them while she was growing up. 

Uncle Don playing the organ at St. Patrick’s Cathedral 

She and her brother, Don were always very close although I’ve heard he was pretty annoying as a young child when he would slide onto the piano bench (essentially pushing her off!) and proceed to play PERFECTLY-BY EAR whatever piece she had been practicing. It certainly didn’t help that he was 5 years younger than her! However, Mom was SO proud of Uncle Don and was hands-down his greatest cheerleader as he pursued his career as a very accomplished organist!

Her favorite things to do growing up were baking with her mom, spending time with family and friends, and learning to play the piano and the clarinet. She loved working at the local drugstore/diner/soda fountain/jewelry store… that sounds a lot like a menu at the Cheesecake Factory… a little bit of everything!! Dad actually bought her engagement ring there!

Mom told me that on the weekends when she was a teenager, she and her friends spent their time roller skating and “cruising” up and down Main Street… I just have a hard time picturing her doing those things but my kids probably also have a hard time (and would rather not) picture me as a teenager! 

Mom and Dad met at a church picnic when they were children. They married when she was 18 and were happily married for 65 years. Initially they lived in a house on his parents’ property and Dad’s plan was to be a farmer, making Mom a ‘farmer’s wife’ which was quite a change from the ’city girl’ she grew up as! But when life took them in a different direction with Dad going to college and graduate school and then eventually working for AT&T, both of them fully embraced and loved everything that followed. 

Because of Dad’s job we moved every 10 months to 2-1/2 years while we were growing up. I love how they approached our moves! Mom and dad would sit us down and tell us about the new state we would be calling home and always made it sound like an adventure. It was never, “we HAVE to move again” but rather, “we GET to move again!” We were going to be exploring a new city, living in a new home, finding a new church and making new friends! It really set the stage and also our expectations for the adventures we were about to embark on. Mom mastered the art of quickly getting us settled into our new home during those years. Her rule was always, “boxes in and out within a week” and she usually accomplished that even faster.

Before we knew it, our new house felt like home and my brothers and I felt safe and secure.  I love that Mom taught me how to move and I eagerly embraced and put into practice her moving techniques during my adult years when my family moved frequently. 

One of her favorite things to do was to entertain, bake and cook and there was always a place at her table for friends and family. She was super organized and always had everything expertly planned out. Though rarely fancy, her meals were filled with delicious food and mostly, her table was filled with love and laughter and it was always welcoming. 

Mom’s children were her pride and joy and she devoted her life to raising us to be loving, caring and ethical persons of faith (not to mention extremely organized)! Being involved in a local church was always their highest priority and whenever the church doors were open, the Geis family was there. Playing the piano was one of her many accomplishments and Mom loved being the pianist in every church we attended. 

“Queen Shirley”… that’s one way I would describe my mom. She would have never thought of herself in that way because it would have sounded pretentious which was definitely NOT who she was.

But after moving to New Jersey in 2018 I had a whole-house generator installed and the way it reliably and consistently ran during storms reminded me of my mom, so I decided my generator needed a name. I held a little naming ceremony and this is what I said, “To my generator... I hereby dub thee ‘Queen Shirley’ in honor of my mother, the queen of my home growing up... the woman who always kept things running like a well-oiled machine.” We had a good laugh when I told her about that! 

Mom’s family and friends fondly remember her as being kind, gentle, loyal, a woman of faith and beloved by all who were blessed to know her. 

Her life wasn’t filled with thrills or accomplishments according to the world’s standards but to me, she succeeded in the most important of ways... she made sure I always knew I was loved fiercely and cared for completely.

When Dad passed away in 2017, I began calling her daily and we built the most beautiful mother-daughter relationship during that time, which I always told her was our silver lining. I don’t think we would have gotten to know each other in the way we did had it not been for Dad’s passing. We spent hours every week talking about everything and nothing. We talked about the weather, OU sports, what was going on in the world, what she’d eaten for breakfast, what she was having for dinner and upcoming family weddings and births. But I think my favorite conversations were when she would begin reminiscing about her life. I learned so much about her and listened to stories I’d never heard before. She always came back to the fact that she’d lived a wonderful life and she missed Dad horribly. 

I miss our daily phone calls so much! It took me several weeks to stop picking up the phone to call her and then remembering that she’s no longer here on earth. The past 5 years have been challenging for Mom and as much as I miss her, I’m so very thankful that she is finally at peace and with Dad… the love of her life. Hug your mama today if you are blessed to still have her in your life.