Women of Vision National Conference - Lobby Day

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I spent this past week in Washington DC at the National Women of Vision conference.  The theme for the week was "Every Woman Has A Story: Change Her Story . . . Change History".  The bonus of this time for me was that my dear friend and angel, Angela Mason was going to be there.  She was the MC for the conference and opened our time on Sunday night with an event called, "Bedtime Stories with Angela Mason" where she told her story.  Having moved to the United States from Great Britain in the '80's to learn to speak "American", Angela soon found herself doing corporate headhunting.  Then in 1989 when 60 Minutes aired their special on children who were dying in orphanages in Romania simply because they weren't being held, she found her calling as an advocate for suffering children.  She began a non-profit organization called "Touch Romania" and once it was up and running successfully, was asked by World Vision to come to work for them, raising money and advocating for children and women worldwide.

  

That was 20 years ago and today she continues her work with World Vision.  I traveled with Angela to Bosnia in September, and that trip was the impetus for all the change that has transpired in my life during the past 6 months. The added bonus of this week was that four out of the six of us women who traveled to Bosnia were there together.  It was wonderful spending time with Angela, Jeanie and Mary!  We enjoyed reminiscing about our trip and shared many laughs and fond memories. (photo above: Me, Angela, Jeanie, Mary)

The highlight of the conference for me was on Tuesday, when I, along with 250 women converged on Capitol Hill for a total of 100 meetings with our Senators and Representatives.  Now then, for any of you who know me, you know that lobbying is not something for which I have ever been passionate.  You might even say that it is one of the last things I ever wanted or expected to do.  But as you also know, I am not the same person that I was six months ago.  I have fully embraced my newfound desire to try new things, especially if they have anything to do with advocating for women and children. 

So there I found myself on Tuesday, sitting around a table in Barbara Boxer’s conference room, lobbying for two bills to be passed. (photo from Barbara Boxer's conference room)  The first bill was the Child Protection Compact Act (H.R. 2737), which aims to end the trafficking of children.  Typically, poor girls from rural areas are sold or stolen away from their families to serve as sex slaves in brothels.  This problem is compounded in times of economic hardship, as children are often viewed as either a financial burden or a source of income. Human trafficking is essentially a modern slave trade and women and children make up 80 percent of all trafficking cases.  With Senator Boxer, we were urging her to quickly introduce the bill.  She fully supports it and has agreed to sponsor it, along with Senator Cardin and she is working to get Senator Brownback to agree to sponsor it with them.  This particular bill will provide targeted resources to countries that have shown the political desire to combat trafficking but lack the resources to do so.

This bill would require $50 million over three years.  A unique feature of the bill is that the focus countries would be required to enter into a “Child Protection Compact” with the United States that identifies strategies for protecting children and deterring the crime, and benchmarks for measuring progress towards meeting specific goals. The biggest obstacle with this bill is the need for ‘new money’.  We were encouraged to hear that Senator Boxer is fully behind the bill and wants to introduce it as quickly as possible. (photo from Dianne Feinstein's conference room)

The second bill that we lobbied for was the Newborn, Child and Mother Survival Act (H.R. 1410 in the House of Representatives) and the Global Child Survival Act (S. 1966 in the Senate).  This bill will prevent the needless death of mothers and children.  Nearly 9 million children die each year, or 24,000 a day from preventable causes such as diarrhea, measles, malaria, pneumonia and neonatal complications with nearly one-third of them linked to malnutrition.  This is considered a “silent emergency” and the overwhelming contributing factor to these deaths is poverty, with 99% of them occurring in developing countries where access to safe water, essential health services and nutrition is limited or unaffordable. 

Using low-cost solutions can prevent most of these deaths.  Approximately two-thirds of these children could be saved each year if they would be provided with simple solutions such as malaria bed nets, oral rehydration, exclusive breast-feeding, immunizations and proper medical care at birth.  This is a budget-neutral bill, as funds only need to be reappropriated.  Senator Boxer is fully on board with this particular bill and they are in discussions about it. 

We came away from our day on Capitol Hill feeling like suffragettes.  A friend of mine, Diane asked me if it was an intimidating or an empowering experience and I was pleased and proud to tell her that it was not at all intimidating and was most certainly empowering.  As we were being prepared for our Lobby Day on Monday, we were reminded that our Senators and Representatives work for us.  It is their job to listen to us and they exist in their roles to be our voices.  Sitting in those offices, speaking passionately about what tugs at our hearts, what we so vehemently believe in was an amazing experience.  We were warmly welcomed in every office, intently listened to, and were asked intelligent questions so that they could fully understand where we were coming from.  We were respected, encouraged and educated as to how we can continue our pursuit of advocating for women and children in our government.  We were told that every letter and e-mail is read and answered, every phone call is listened to and noted and that there is power in numbers.  In Senator Feinstein’s office, we were told that if they receive 15 or 20 letters in a given week regarding a particular bill, they would sit up and take notice, recognizing that it is important enough for us to write about. (photo: the California constituency...40 women strong!)

 Lobbying on behalf of children and women around the world in hopes of getting bills passed was a wonderful experience and we ended our day feeling that perhaps we CAN make a difference if we are willing to speak up for those who have no voice.  You should try it!  Hey, if Laura Ackerman can do it, anyone can!  (Photos from Lobby Day: Angela Mason, Mary Gleason, Jeanie Ralphs, Shari Lucas....and me :)

I Had No Idea...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

About a month ago I received an e-mail from a woman in my World Vision/Women Of Vision chapter inviting me (at Angela Mason’s prompting, of course) to consider joining her in a new venture.  Fremont, California has the largest Afghan population in the United States and the Afghan Elderly Association was in need of women to partner with them in teaching English to the women in the group. 

Now, the interesting thing is that a year ago, no make that 6 months ago, had someone suggested to me that I engage myself in the teaching of English to women from Afghanistan, I would have wrinkled my brow, tilted my head and said, “you’re asking me to do what?  And you’re asking ME because…..?”  You see, I was still living my safe little life in my tiny little world and I wasn’t likely to venture out of my comfort zone and try something new.  Especially not something like teaching, or working with women who didn’t speak English.  But that day, when I read that e-mail from Carol, I found myself, much like the day that Angela Mason asked me to travel with her to Bosnia, intrigued.  I actually thought to myself….”well now, that’s something I’ve never done before.  It sounds like fun!” 

As I drove down to Fremont for my first time three weeks ago, I really didn’t know what I was doing.  I knew that there was a woman who spoke both English and Farsi who would be walking with us through this process, but as I walked into that room, I had no idea how very quickly these women, who come from a world that could not be much more foreign to me, would steal my heart. 

There were only a handful of women present at the start of the meeting and we all smiled and waved ‘hello’ to each other.  They were dressed neatly, most of them wearing scarves on their heads.  We met Mahin, our leader and discovered that she is a local realtor who came to America from Iran.  She quickly commanded order in the room and got us started on our first task. I began testing the women, one at a time to determine their level of English proficiency.  After introducing myself, I then proceeded with the oral exam.  The questions were very basic, “What is your name?  Where are you from?  Are you American?  How old are you?  Are you married?  Do you have any children?”  If she could answer those basic questions in English, then I would proceed to show her photos of various items, asking her to name them.  Mahin wanted to know whether or not they could read English, and that became clear when I got to the picture of a Coke bottle.  If she called it “Sprite” then I knew that she couldn’t read, but if she called it a ‘”soft drink” (which were the English words below the photo) then I knew I had a reader! 

We were a little concerned about the fact that the women weren’t all present and ready to begin when we arrived.  No, they trickled in for a full 2 hours!  We were told by one of our translators that a lack of punctuality is a cultural thing for these ladies.  We weren’t sure how that would play out as we continued with our classes. After testing all 40 women, we then divided them into groups.  There were the women who not only knew no English, but, it turns out, were also illiterate in their native language, Farsi.  In the months to come, we would work with these women during our first session of the day and then the second session would be working with the women who knew and could read and write some English.  I felt such kindness from these women and couldn’t wait to return the next week.  Something that Mahin told us is that the women suffer from low self-esteem and depression.  Many of them are widowed and live alone.  As I have been trying to find ‘my place’ in the world these past months since returning from Bosnia, I had the sense that working with women was somehow one of the things that I was meant to do.  After meeting with them the second week, I knew that I was meant to do this. 

The first thing that I noticed upon entering the room for our second meeting was that it was full.  I was actually surprised to see so many of the ladies already there….anxiously waiting to begin their English classes.  We were working with the lower group for the first session, so we were each given 3 – 4 women along with an interpreter and I quickly fell in love with Maliha.  She had a wonderful sense of humor and really seemed to enjoy assisting me with the women.  They are all friends, so there was lots of laughter in the room.  We began with the absolute basics….. “My first name is _______.”

It was during the teaching of this very simple phrase that I got my first indication of what these women would really need.  Their self-esteem was so low that if they couldn’t get it after the first 5 or 10 tries, they would just shake their heads, cover their faces and give some excuse about their bad memory.  I could see the frustration and embarrassment in their eyes.  I’ll never forget taking Jamilla’s hands in mine, looking her in the eyes and telling her that it was okay.  I told her that the fact that she was sitting there, across from me and simply trying was something to be proud of.  The look on her face as she listened to Maliha interpret for me, in Farsi was quite moving.  With tears in her eyes, she smiled, nodded her head and said, “tashakkor”….thank you.  That was when it began to click for Jamilla.  She just needed to be cared about….to be believed in.  Isn’t that what we all need?  It was at that moment that I gave my heart to these beautiful Afghani women.  I knew that I would be there….week after week, month after month, just believing in them and loving them. 

I spent the second half of my morning working with a more advanced group of 6 women.  We went over the correct writing of addresses, telephone numbers and discussed families.  I think the biggest laugh I had all morning was when I asked Maliha, who was now my student rather than my interpreter if she was married.  She looked at me with a huge smile on her face and said, “Yes, I am married…..to a wonnn…derful man!” and then she laughed and laughed.  She told me that all American women say that they are married “to a wonnn…derful man,” whether they are or not and that she just thinks that is so funny.  Yes, we Americans are predictable and we provide a healthy dose of entertainment for those from other cultures! 

As I was preparing to leave, Jamilla walked up to me with a group of women and gestured for me to ask her what her first name was.  When I asked her, she beamed as she said, in beautiful English, “My first name is Jamilla!”  She flew into my arms and gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever had.  I just cried.  She then grabbed an interpreter and asked me how to say, “My teacher’s name is Laura.”  I told them and they all asked me to write the phrase down in their notebooks.  It wasn’t until I was home later that day that it clicked for me.  This particular group of women have never attended school…..are illiterate even in their native language, so I am the first teacher they have ever had.  They are so proud of themselves and they want to be able to tell their friends that they now have a teacher.  Wow.  It took me awhile to wrap my arms around that one. Talk about a humbling experience.  I will certainly get more out of these encounters than they will and I am honored and privileged to be called “teacher.” 

I called my dear, sweet Angela that afternoon and said to her, “Angela Mason….this is Laura Ackerman.  Do you make it a habit of turning upside down and inside out the life of every woman you meet?”  She, of course laughed and laughed and we proceeded to have a lovely conversation about why she had thought this would be something I should do and how we just never know where life’s path will lead us.  She feels as though she is simply a vehicle for God to work through, but I would argue that she is that and so much more.  She has depth of insight that is rare and she acts upon her instinct.  It is a privilege knowing Angela and I will continue on this new journey upon which I have found myself, with great anticipation, looking forward to what will be down the next road, all the while thoroughly enjoying where I am today.

How They See It

Friday, January 22, 2010

This morning I found myself in the company of a cab driver from Ethiopia. 

We were on our way from the Paris hotel in Las Vegas to the airport…my second attempt to get to San Diego.  Yesterday, I arrived at the airport and was standing in front of the Departures board when my flight was cancelled right before my eyes.  No kidding.  One second it was leaving out of gate C7 and the next, poof!  It was cancelled!  I headed through security and made my way to the gate of the next flight to San Diego.  While standing in line, that flight was cancelled….then the next flight…and the next….and so on, until I reached the gate agent who told me that all flights to San Diego had been cancelled.  She told me that the San Diego airport was closed, which I found rather odd.  I don’t believe that happens very often.  I later discovered that all flights initiating out of Las Vegas, San Francisco and Phoenix into San Diego had been cancelled and the airport was indeed closed. 

I actually didn’t have any complaints about having to head back to Paris.  My previous day had been so wonderful that I didn’t want it to end.  Once I was back at the Paris, I headed to the little café that serves wonderful Roasted Tomato soup and thoroughly enjoyed a cup of it.  I sipped my cappuccino as I watched people walk by and then headed to my room.  It was pouring rain outside and as I looked out my window at the Eiffel tower and the Bellagio fountains which were alive and dancing to the song Singing In The Rain by Frank Sinatra, I found myself once again relaxing….content to have a day ahead of me with nothing to do but read and write.  That doesn’t seem to happen often these days, which is what makes traveling to Vegas so very wonderful for me.  I love the escape from life.  The escape from schedules, from ongoing demands and expectations placed upon me.  Oh, I understand that in order for things to flow, there needs to be order, scheduling and expectations, but it is such a glorious feeling to be without…

But I digress.  As I was saying, this morning I found myself in the company of a cab driver from Ethiopia.  As we pulled away from the Paris, he asked me if I was ready to go.  I quickly said, “No”, but that at some point, one must return to reality.  He asked where home was for me to which I replied “San Francisco.”  I told him that I was headed to San Diego for the weekend and he asked if it was for work or pleasure.  There stood my gateway to telling yet another person about World Vision and the wonderful work it does.  “I’m attending a conference held by a non-profit, humanitarian organization called World Vision,” I said.  “Oh, I’m very familiar with World Vision,” said the driver.  He then began telling me about its’ presence in Ethiopia and throughout Africa.  I just listened as he told me of the wonderful people he had met over the years and how hard working and well respected the organization is. 

Then he dropped the bombshell.  “The problem is” he said, “The people of Ethiopia don’t ever see any of the money that comes into the country.  The government is horribly corrupt and they keep every dollar that comes in.  They tell all the humanitarian organizations that their money goes to the proper people, but that never happens.”  Then he said, “All we ever see is corn.  Just a tiny bit of corn for each person.  We are given it once a week.  Corn.  What are we to do with corn?  We cannot live on corn.  It is useless to us but they tell us that we should be grateful.”  He went on about the corn for the next 3 minutes.  It was very sad. 

I just listened as he spoke about his home country, which he loves so much.  He told me how beautiful it is and how he would love to still be living there but he couldn’t stand the corruption.  He feels fortunate to be living and working in the United States and doesn’t take his life of freedom for granted. 

It was then that I attempted to explain to him what I knew of World Vision and what makes it different from some other non-profit organizations.  I told him that I was relatively new to World Vision but I knew that of the money that is donated to the Child Sponsorship program, 89 percent of it goes directly to the community.  I could tell that he wanted so badly to believe me. 

He asked if I had ever traveled to Ethiopia and I told him that I hadn’t.  “When you travel to Ethiopia and throughout Africa, they (the government) fool you.  On the day that you are there, the health clinics are full, the schools are filled with children and everyone appears to be happy and well-tended.  This is all a lie, though, just to make you feel good and to try to convince you that your money really is going through the proper channels.  The government knows that if you see suffering, empty schools and clinics, you will stop sending your money, and then our country will suffer.  So they perpetuate the lie.  For their own gain.  And nobody ever knows.  Except the people of Ethiopia who are so impoverished.” 

I was so saddened by all that he had to say.  I do believe that the government in Ethiopia and in so many other countries is corrupt.  I believe that there are many instances where monies donated never make it to their intended destination.  I found this information on the World Vision website:

“At World Vision, stewardship is an integral part of everything we do — because we recognize that every resource entrusted to us can transform real children's lives.

As part of our stewardship, we optimize resources and distribute them where they are needed most.

We carefully monitor and review programs and costs, use donations and grants for their intended purposes, and look for ways to leverage funds for maximum impact.

In addition, we continually strive to keep our overhead rate low. In 2009, 89 percent of our total operating expenses were used for programs that benefit children, families, and communities in need.

Our effectiveness has earned the trust and support of nearly a million donors, thousands of churches, and hundreds of corporations, institutions, and government agencies around the globe.”

I believe that the money that is donated to World Vision truly does make it to the people who need it most.  The more I learn about this organization, the more impressed I am with it and I am proud to be connected to it.  I am glad to have been able to tell my cab driver today what I knew of World Vision’s work and I hope that he will think about my words and perhaps at some point, believe what I had to say.  

Earthquake In Haiti

Saturday, January 16, 2010     

On Tuesday, January 12, 2010 an earthquake of magnitude 7.1 hit Port-au-Prince, the capital city of Haiti.  I learned of the earthquake when I turned on my laptop that evening.  There were three things that came to mind.  First of all, I thought about how close Nick would have been had he still been in the Dominican Republic as he had planned and I am thankful that he is in Guatemala.  Next, I thought of my friend John because he was in Port-au-Prince in November of 2009 working with Rotary and Word Vision to bring clean water to the country.  I wondered how many of his friends had lost their lives in the previous few hours.  Then the reality of this tragedy began to sink in as I thought of the devastation that had just occurred and the people whose lives were affected by it. 

The depth of sadness I felt for people who I have never met surprised me.  I’ve always thought of myself as a compassionate person, but since returning from Bosnia, well, I find my feelings rising to the surface much more easily.  The intensity of what I feel is so powerful and at times, rather distressing.  I was hard-pressed to focus on much other than the tragedy in Haiti all week long. 

I’m not really interested in watching TV, so most of my information has come from the internet.  I was impressed by the outpouring of money from people on social networking sites such as facebook.  On Wednesday morning, I joined a group formed by World Vision called “Fundraising Project:  URGENT Haiti Earthquake Relief.”  By posting it on my “wall” all of my friends are able to learn about it and have the option to join the group as well as give money to relief efforts.  I heard that it was possible to donate $10 simply by texting “HAITI” to 90999.  No longer do we need to get out the checkbook, write a check, place it in an envelope, try to find the proper address, add and stamp and drive it to a post office to donate money. 

As of last night, the Red Cross estimated the death toll to be around 45,000 – 50,000 and it will surely rise.  Government workers began burying thousands of dead bodies in mass graves.  There was no time to identify, document or photograph the bodies as removing them quickly has become paramount. 

Because most homes are either destroyed or severely damaged, hundreds of thousands of Haitians are sleeping on the street.  It is believed that there are still survivors who are trapped under rubble, thought their time is running out.

Paul, Emily and I were saddened to learn of an orphanage in Haiti that is full of children whose paperwork had been completed and were ready to go to their new families in America when the earthquake hit.  Now all the paperwork is under tons of rubble, never to be seen again and the poor children are stuck in Haiti.  Their future is bleak.  It is so sad that because of beaurocracy, hope for the future is lost.

It will be very difficult for Haiti to recover from this natural disaster.  The country was so impoverished before.  They had no natural resources and just struggled to survive, but now, things are so much worse.  During dinner last night, we had an interesting discussion with our friend Roby, Emily, Chris and 5 of his friends.  One of them, Alex pointed out that it is during times of tragedy that countries tend to unite and I was so impressed by the maturity of these kids’ viewpoints.  My hope in the coming days, weeks, months and years is for unity among our world.  I wish that it wouldn’t take tragedy to bring people together, but I am thankful to see people from all around the world working together to help the people of Haiti today. 

Here’s To Life…

January 1, 2010

Last night marked the end…the end of the most amazing year of my life.  I just celebrated my 49^th birthday and I have found myself doing a bit of reflective thinking.  So much has changed for me in the past year.  My trip to Vegas last April…my very first trip alone, all by myself marked the beginning of the coming out of Laura Ackerman. 

My role in life has always been a supportive one.  I was a woman who lived in the shadows.  My Vegas weekend was wonderful and it was there that I discovered that I have spent my life taking care of others…doing what they want to do.  Keeping those around me safe, comfortable and happy was my job.  I had gone straight from being my parents’ daughter to becoming my husbands’ wife and then my kids’ mother.  I was a peacemaker and ‘the rock’.  While in Vegas that weekend, I realized that there is nothing wrong with any of that, as long as it is balanced with time spent on and for myself.  This realization was liberating and thus began my journey into the new world of making room for ‘me’.

It was because of my awakening that weekend that I agreed to travel to Bosnia in September.  I’ve posted many blogs about how that trip changed my heart, but it also changed how I view myself.  I found that I was not afraid to travel alone…to Vegas…to London…even to war-torn Bosnia.  I, of course didn’t know this about myself, as I’d not previously given myself the opportunity to find out.  My writing while in Bosnia also liberated me.  I not only discovered that I could do it, but because of feedback from family and friends, I found that it was a gift I had that had been untapped. 

I now feel that the inner confidence that I always believed in has been unleashed.  I see myself and my life through new eyes.  At times I am sad that I spent more than 48 years living in the shadows.  I am angry with those around me for fostering it.  But then the rational Laura Ackerman steps in and I give myself a kick in the *** for waiting so long to unleash what I, and I alone always knew was living within me.  I take full responsibility for my complacency.  Sometimes I think “what a loser you were”…not that I think I’m so great now.  But then I realize that I wasn’t ready earlier.  The time was right for me when it finally happened and I’m just thankful that MY time has finally arrived. 

So as 2009 came to a close last night, I, for the first time in my life made New Year’s resolutions.  My reason for having never made them?  I guess I never really believed in their value.  Most people make them, then quickly forget about the promises they've made to themselves, which leads to the breaking of those oh, so important resolutions.  But this year is different.  It’s been my amazing, liberating, heart-wrenching, soul-searching, beautiful year.  I learned to see myself through new eyes, saw a world of pain and suffering I never imagined existed, heard inspiring stories, made wonderful new friends and resurrected beautiful friendships from my past.  I saw a much bigger world that is so exciting and my opportunities for continued exploration seem to be around every corner.  I’ve always been a romantic…a dreamer, but now my world is full of dreams so large that I’m not sure how I’ll be able to fit them all into this life that I have left to live.  I have fully embraced who I am today and look forward to what the year 2010 has in store for me. 

As my husband, my friends and I made our resolutions last night, we decided that we would have an “accountability dinner” on March 26^th.  Those who have met their first quarter goals will spend the next day together in the Napa Valley…drinking wine and dining on mouthwatering food.  The unfortunate ones who haven’t met their goals will take a chilly swim in the pool…the water should register somewhere around 55 degrees that night.  I know I’m motivated…a day in Napa drinking wine is so much more desirable than a mouthful of chlorine-infused water. 

So here I sit, writing this post, the first step to achieving one of my New Year’s resolutions.  I was listening to Barbra Streisand’s new album last night called Love Is The Answer and was moved by the lyric of the first cut, Here’s To Life.  I believe that it so beautifully encompasses all that I am feeling at this nostalgic time of year and place in my life.  Here is the link to the song so that you can listen to it and I’ve written the lyric below.  Happy New Year, my family and friends, old and new.  “Here’s to life…here’s to love…here’s to YOU.”

http://www.rhapsody.com/-search?query=here%27s%20to%20life%20barbra%20streisand&searchtype=RhapKeyword

Here’s To Life

No complaints and no regrets.

I still believe in chasing dreams and placing bets.

For I have learned that all you give is all you get,

So give it all you got.

I had my share, I drank my fill.

And even though I’m satisfied, I’m hungry still

To see what’s down another road,

Beyond a hill, and do it all again.

So here’s to life and all the joy it brings.

Yes, here’s to life, and dreamers and their dreams.

Funny how the time just flies.

How love can go from warm hellos to sad goodbyes.

And leave you with the memories you’ve memorized

To keep your winters warm.

But there’s no yes in yesterday

And who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away.

As long as I’m still in the game I want to play

For laughs, for life, for love.

So here’s to life and all the joy it brings.

Yes, here’s to life, and dreamers and their dreams.

May all your storms be weathered,

And all that’s good get better.

Here’s to life, here’s to love, here’s to you.

Christmas 2009 Letter - Peace

The writing of my annual Christmas letter this year presents both a challenge and an opportunity for me.  The challenge is that I don’t know where to begin.  

Oh, I could fill this page with all the usual bits of information…how everyone has grown a year older, moved up a grade in school and continues to be busy with this adventure we call life.  

I could tell about Emily’s burgeoning independence as she moves closer to getting her driver’s license when she turns 16 on December 20^th. 

I could talk about Christopher’s newfound social life now that he is 13 years old.  The fact that Nick is back in Antigua, Guatemala, studying Spanish, and that Paul continues to work crazy hours, traveling at least 50% of the time, often out of the country and seems to thrive on this high level of stress, might be interesting, as well.

But focusing on that just doesn’t feel right this year.  It’s not that there’s anything wrong with life moving forward, with our family continuing to grow up and out.  It’s just that this Christmas, what used to be so important now seems trivial.  You see, when Christopher had the opportunity to prepare and serve a meal at a local homeless shelter, the highlight for him was sitting with the folks who came in to eat.  Sharing a meal with those less fortunate than him really had an impact.  When Nick worked for World Vision in their micro finance organization, he spent three weeks in Mexico, and it was there that he met and spent time with people who have benefited from the loans; whose lives have been changed as a result of the generosity of others. Emily came back from her annual trip working in an orphanage in Mexico feeling unsettled.  She was glad to be home and had missed her family, but her heart was back in Mexico, with the ninõs who craved the time and love that she was able to share.

One year ago today, I was living my safe little life in my tiny little world.  I was fully complacent and quite content.  Oh, I thought my world was rather large; after all, I had moved 15 times, lived in 8 states, 13 cities, 3 apartments, 1 townhouse and 12 different homes.  I knew people all over the United States and even had a friend in France.  My husband and oldest son had traveled the world and my two younger children had been to Mexico and Peru.

Then I met Angela Mason from World Vision who invited me to travel with her in September to Bosnia.  Little did I know how very safe and tiny my world really was.  I was fully unaware of my complacency.  Well, perhaps I did know, but I was just so comfortable.  I was well into the rhythm of my life; I had been a wife for 26 years and a mother for more than 23 years.  Being a room parent, team mom and social coordinator for my family was second nature and I was quite capable of running our home while my husband traveled for work. 

I was independent, confident and content.  And I was fooling myself.  I had told myself that I cared about others because my family supported women and children in third-world countries, but I really was unaware of the suffering that was going on around the world. 

I knew that there were starving children, families living in poverty and women being abused.  But I didn’t know that during the war in Bosnia, hanging laundry out to dry was a life-threatening task because of the snipers who were hiding in the hills; watching and waiting for an opportunity to kill yet another woman, man or child.  It didn’t matter whom or why; it was done for sport and out of spite.  I didn’t know that there is a village in Bosnia called Djulici that is made up of 90% women because during the war, the Serbian army took all of the men away, massacred them and left them in mass graves.  But today, these women are entrepreneurs.  They have greenhouses filled with plants that they cultivate, cows and chickens that they tend. It is with the fruits of their labor that they have pulled their families out of poverty and are now financially independent. 

I didn’t know that when I returned home, I would think incessantly about the beautiful women I had met and spent time with.  Their stories were swirling around in my head and my heart ached for them.  I was so sad when I first returned and I became despondent.  I was challenged by a friend to start living again…to start living my life of normalcy that they so long for…to live my life “not in spite of those who I met but because of those who I met.”  Most of all, I didn’t know that meeting and spending time with these brave and resilient women would change my heart; would change my life. I didn’t know that it would open my eyes to a world of suffering; a world of women and children who lived through war, who continue to live among the ruins of that war yet hold so much hope and have become my inspiration.  The women from the village of Djulici told us that their hope for us is that we would never have to live through a war…that we would always know peace.  I am moved by the fact that they wish for us, that which they do not know.

My life is no longer so safe, tiny and predictable.  My world has grown and my heart has been broken.  I look at things differently; my perspective has changed.  I feel privileged to now count myself among those who “have seen.”  I can’t stop thinking about the women I met in Bosnia and I have a passion to do something about those who suffer.  I’m not sure what I am called to do, so for now I tell their stories to anyone who will listen.  I use my written word on this blog and I use my voice to speak; to move and inspire others to do something.  Perhaps this is what I am meant to do.  This is my opportunity.  I will keep listening.

I have found myself being quiet, both inside and out since returning from Bosnia.  I never fully understood the power of silence; of stillness.  It is in silence that we open our minds, our hearts and our souls to what it is that we are to hear.  I believe that God quietly spoke to me through the women and children I met in Bosnia.  His voice was still, soft and slow.  I think that’s how He usually works.  His voice is subtle; we hardly hear it and then all at once we realize that a change has transpired within us. 

So this year, as I ponder the Christmas season, the fact that Christ came to earth as a baby, quietly, on a silent night two thousand years ago, I think about all the suffering in the world.  I think of those who have known war and who struggle daily to find peace.  I am reminded of a passage in the Bible, which says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16.33.  May your New Year be filled with places of quiet, silence, stillness and peace.

Be Silent...Be Still

Saturday, December 5, 2009
I spent the last 24 hours in silence.  Yes, me...silent for an extended period of time.  I was with 5 other women from my church at a retreat center on a beautifully wooded piece of property here in Northern California.  It was quite a moving experience.


I had previously done this only once and it was for a 6-hour time period.  It was May of 2009 and I didn't know what to expect.  If I am to be honest, the only reason I participated that time is because it took place in my home.  I was asked to host and the offer to participate was extended but not expected.  I thought it would look bad if I were to busy myself with my daily routine of life so I reluctantly agreed to join them.


I was nervous about the day, not about the hosting part but rather about the participation part.  I wasn't sure how I would be able to spend a full 6 hours praying and reading my Bible.  I had never done that before and it sounded rather intense.  My fears were quickly allayed when the leader of our group, Mae asked if she could borrow one of my light-reading novels, a Sophie Kinsella book, for the day.  "What?" I asked.  "You mean we don't have to pray and read the Bible the entire time?"  She then told me that the purpose of the period of silence was to feed our souls...to rejuvenate and refresh us.  We were encouraged to do whatever it is that feeds our souls and for each person, that thing looks different.  Well, to say that I was relieved was an understatement.
I had a great experience that day and I knew that I would want to do it again.


When this Silent Retreat was announced, I was interested but not compelled to participate.  It is, after all, December 5th, less than 3 weeks before Christmas and I have a million things to do during the next 20 days.  If only it would have been during a better time of year...one that is less busy...less stressful.  Wait a minute, perhaps that is precisely why Mae scheduled the Retreat for this time period.  Perhaps the thing I most need at this time of year is to take a break, to stop all the busyness and just be quiet.


As I left my home yesterday, I couldn't help but feel excited and relieved at the prospect of spending 24 hours in silence.  I was not reluctant to leave behind 125 Christmas cards, the "Laura's Christmas Peace 2009" CD playlist that I have been laboring over, the unending quest to find just the right 16th birthday gift for my daughter's upcoming birthday, the need to complete my Christmas gift shopping by the end of next week, the knowledge that my husband and children would be on their own today to buy and set up our Christmas tree, and the gnawing anticipation over the dinner party that we're hosting in our home on Monday night for my husband's 15 closest Investment Banker buddies.  Actually, I practically skipped out of the house!


As we entered into silence yesterday we were reminded of the following:

Don't work hard at being still.

You are not creating silence; you are meeting it.

Silence and quiet already exist; they are a part of God's nature.

You must learn to enter the silence that is.

And so it became silent in that space.  All of a sudden, we were acutely aware of all the sounds around us; the crackling fire, the ticking of the clock, the rustling wind outside.  It was beautiful and it was so very peaceful.  I actually found myself wishing that it hadn't begun so quickly because now the clock was counting down...counting down to the end of the silence.

My hours of quiet were spent reading and, of course, writing.  I wrote my annual Christmas letter and found that it came much more quickly than usual.  Perhaps that was due to the silence that surrounded me.  The peace.  The lack of interruptions.  No phones ringing, no e-mails to respond to, no facebook to check up on, no kids asking to be taken here and there.  All I had to do was to create...to look back over the year 2009 and remember...to document my families' activities, milestones and growth.  For the first time in my history of Christmas-letter-writing, I actually wrote more about my activities, milestones and growth than anyone else's.  I fully blame it on my travels to Bosnia!  And I'm honored to have had so much to share.

During my hours of reading, I became rather introspective, thinking about things such as self-denial and self-love; boundaries in my life; grief and what it is that I can learn through loss; emotions; and finally the dreams that I have for my life. I read, I thought, I wrote.  I could have continued for days, it was so powerful.  It seems as though I read and processed so much and each of these topics could be a future blog post.  Most likely, that is exactly what will happen, but for now, I want to focus on the power of silence.  When one is surrounded by silence, it is amazing the amount of thinking and feeling that can be done.

In the silence we open our minds, our hearts and our souls to what it is we are to hear.  In the beginning, it is challenging.  The temptation to continue making lists, solving problems and letting ourselves be distracted is great.  I had to keep bringing myself back to the task at had, to simply listen.  Before long, though it became natural and I reveled in the quiet, the stillness and the peace.  My mind opened to the challenges placed before me, my heart ached as I searched within and came face to face with some deep emotions and my soul was fed as I read of God's unending love for me, imperfect as I am.

Much too soon, our 24 hours of silence came to an end and it was time to re-enter the world.  I arrived home to the aroma of fresh-cut pine.  My Christmas cards are sitting just where I left them, the CD playlist needs to be finalized, the shopping still needs to be done and the evening with Investment Bankers is 24 hours closer.  I must say, though that I am better prepared to face the tasks at hand.

I had my time of peace and quiet and I feel refreshed and ready to tackle my tasks, one at a time.  I am calmer and I feel as though my inner core, my heart and my soul have been fed.  I am prepared now to focus on the true reason for the Christmas season.  Christ came to earth as a baby, quietly, on a silent night two thousand years ago.  I have been listening to a song by Audrey Assad and the lyric so beautifully reminds me of Christ's example to us of that stillness, that quiet.  I've included the link so the song can be listened to and the lyric is written below.  My hope is that we may all find a place of peace, quiet, silence and stillness in our lives.  

http://www.rhapsody.com/-search?query=winter%20snow%20chris%20tomlin&searchtype=RhapKeyword

Winter Snow

Could’ve come like a mighty storm

With all the strength of a hurricane

You could’ve come like a forest fire

With the power of Heaven in Your flame

But You came like a winter snow

Quiet and soft and slow

Falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

You could’ve swept in like a tidal wave

Or an ocean to ravish our hearts

You could have come through like a roaring flood

To wipe away the things we’ve scarred

But You came like a winter snow, yes, You did

You were quiet, You were soft and slow

Falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

Ooh no; Your voice wasn’t in a bush burning

No, Your voice wasn’t in a rushing wind

It was still, it was small, it was hidden

Oh, You came like a winter snow

Quiet and soft and slow

Falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

Falling, oh yeah, to the earth below

You came falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

What used to be so important....

Friday, November 13, 2009

Fifteen months and twenty-one days ago I made a purchase.  I had thought long and hard about whether or not to do it.  Not only was it a bit pricey, but also purchasing it meant that I was going to have to do something I had never done before.  I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone.  Still, I wanted to do it.  I was excited to do it. 

At the time, July 23, 2008, I was still living my safe little life in my tiny little world.  I was fully complacent and quite content.   My life revolved around my family and my home.  I had recently discovered the joy of traveling to Las Vegas to see Barry Manilow perform.  His music moves me like no other, so seeing him perform live was very fulfilling.  I had heard about this thing called a “Platinum Package” that could be purchased.  For a small fortune, one had the opportunity to meet the man, one-on-one, have a photo taken with him, receive an autographed ‘something-or-other’ and sit in a front row seat for that evenings’ show.  The proceeds went to the Manilow Fund For Health and Hope, so that seemed pretty cool.   I fully embraced the support of non-profit organizations.

I thought it sounded exciting to meet Barry and have the opportunity to thank him for his music throughout the past 34 years.  I wanted to tell him how his music had helped me through some very difficult times and had inspired me….how listening to his music today takes me somewhere else….sometimes to the good places….other times to the not-so-good places.  I wanted to thank him for continuing to write, record and perform and to ask him if he would ever make another jazz album like his brilliant 2:00 AM Paradise Café record.   

So when the dates for the Platinum packages were announced, I had 48 hours to decided if I wanted to do it or not.  I, of course decided to do it.  I chose a date towards the end of the year so that I would have a good long time to look forward to my meeting.  As soon as I made my purchase, panic set in.  What if I froze when I walked into the room?  What if he was in one of his ‘bratty’ moods that night (you know how moody artists can be….)?  What if I said something really dumb?  Uh oh….what had I done? 

Well, as the months passed and I thought more about my meeting, I became less fearful and more excited.  I corresponded with several other women who were also going to meet him that night and began to really look forward to Friday, November 13, 2009.  I saw Barry multiple times during those fifteen months and became friends with many others who were also going to be in Vegas that weekend.  I started counting down the months, then weeks until my Platinum.  This was going to be the most exciting event of the year 2009 for Laura Ackerman, one that would never be forgotten.

Then I went to Bosnia.  I, of course wasn’t planning to go to Bosnia.  I had never planned on traveling out of the country, much less to ‘war-torn’ Bosnia.  Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone.  Nor had I planned on the changes that would transpire deep inside of me after meeting women who have lived through war, survived and were now my inspiration. 

I arrived home from Bosnia on September 22^nd a changed person.  Even at that point, I had no idea how very changed I had become.  Yes, I was a mess.  I cried at the drop of a hat, I thought incessantly about the beautiful women I had met and spent time with.  Their stories were swirling around in my head.  My heart ached for them.  I was so sad for what they had lived through and I couldn’t seem to re-enter my life as I once knew it.  I became despondent.  What used to be so important now seemed trivial at best.  I was challenged and ‘shaken’ by a friend to start living again….to start living my life of normalcy that they so long for…to live my life “not in spite  of those who I met but because of those who I met.”

It was about that time that I received word that several ‘Ultimate Manilow” shows had been cancelled; including the weekend that I had scheduled my ‘Platinum’ meeting.  No Barry Manilow shows…..no Platinum meetings.  My response?  “Oh well.  Maybe I’ll have the opportunity to meet him some other time.”  And that was that.  What?  But I had been looking forward to this event for more than a year!  I was counting down the days.  My flight and hotel reservations had been made.  It was to be the most exciting event of my year!  What was going on with me?  Shouldn’t I be devastated?  Shouldn’t I be angry?  Shouldn’t I be crying?  Huh….perhaps there were more important things going on in this world than meeting a celebrity.  Ya think?  I always knew that there were much more important things going on in this world than meeting celebrities, but now, I really knew.  My heart really knew.  I had seen, first-hand some of those more important things.  Yes, what used to be so important REALLY IS trivial at best. 

So, after fifteen months and twenty-one days, the DAY is finally here.  November 13, 2009.  I am not in Las Vegas and I am not going to be meeting Barry Manilow tonight.  Am I disappointed?  Sure, a little.  Am I sad?  Yup, a bit.  Am I missing my wonderful friends that I would be with right now?  Yes, A LOT!  Am I going to miss his wonderful shows that always make me leave feeling so happy and just loving everyone?  Absolutely.  Would I have enjoyed telling Mr. Manilow what his music has meant to me throughout the years?  Of course!  Do I still hope that I will have that opportunity someday?  You bet! 

But whether that day comes or not, I know that it will be okay because I am a changed person.  My heart will never be the same and for that I am thankful.  I will forever look at life through different eyes.  My heart breaks more easily, I am more sensitive and I still cry when I think of or talk about the women of Bosnia.  But I can talk about them now.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Jasmina, Remza, Shaharizad, Fata, and Hira.  Their faces are imprinted in my memory and I never want to forget them.  It is a privilege to tell their stories, stories of unimaginable loss, suffering, hope and inspiration.  Yes, THAT is what is really important.  Now I really know.  Thanks, Ladies…