Christmas 2009 Letter - Peace

The writing of my annual Christmas letter this year presents both a challenge and an opportunity for me.  The challenge is that I don’t know where to begin.  

Oh, I could fill this page with all the usual bits of information…how everyone has grown a year older, moved up a grade in school and continues to be busy with this adventure we call life.  

I could tell about Emily’s burgeoning independence as she moves closer to getting her driver’s license when she turns 16 on December 20^th. 

I could talk about Christopher’s newfound social life now that he is 13 years old.  The fact that Nick is back in Antigua, Guatemala, studying Spanish, and that Paul continues to work crazy hours, traveling at least 50% of the time, often out of the country and seems to thrive on this high level of stress, might be interesting, as well.

But focusing on that just doesn’t feel right this year.  It’s not that there’s anything wrong with life moving forward, with our family continuing to grow up and out.  It’s just that this Christmas, what used to be so important now seems trivial.  You see, when Christopher had the opportunity to prepare and serve a meal at a local homeless shelter, the highlight for him was sitting with the folks who came in to eat.  Sharing a meal with those less fortunate than him really had an impact.  When Nick worked for World Vision in their micro finance organization, he spent three weeks in Mexico, and it was there that he met and spent time with people who have benefited from the loans; whose lives have been changed as a result of the generosity of others. Emily came back from her annual trip working in an orphanage in Mexico feeling unsettled.  She was glad to be home and had missed her family, but her heart was back in Mexico, with the ninõs who craved the time and love that she was able to share.

One year ago today, I was living my safe little life in my tiny little world.  I was fully complacent and quite content.  Oh, I thought my world was rather large; after all, I had moved 15 times, lived in 8 states, 13 cities, 3 apartments, 1 townhouse and 12 different homes.  I knew people all over the United States and even had a friend in France.  My husband and oldest son had traveled the world and my two younger children had been to Mexico and Peru.

Then I met Angela Mason from World Vision who invited me to travel with her in September to Bosnia.  Little did I know how very safe and tiny my world really was.  I was fully unaware of my complacency.  Well, perhaps I did know, but I was just so comfortable.  I was well into the rhythm of my life; I had been a wife for 26 years and a mother for more than 23 years.  Being a room parent, team mom and social coordinator for my family was second nature and I was quite capable of running our home while my husband traveled for work. 

I was independent, confident and content.  And I was fooling myself.  I had told myself that I cared about others because my family supported women and children in third-world countries, but I really was unaware of the suffering that was going on around the world. 

I knew that there were starving children, families living in poverty and women being abused.  But I didn’t know that during the war in Bosnia, hanging laundry out to dry was a life-threatening task because of the snipers who were hiding in the hills; watching and waiting for an opportunity to kill yet another woman, man or child.  It didn’t matter whom or why; it was done for sport and out of spite.  I didn’t know that there is a village in Bosnia called Djulici that is made up of 90% women because during the war, the Serbian army took all of the men away, massacred them and left them in mass graves.  But today, these women are entrepreneurs.  They have greenhouses filled with plants that they cultivate, cows and chickens that they tend. It is with the fruits of their labor that they have pulled their families out of poverty and are now financially independent. 

I didn’t know that when I returned home, I would think incessantly about the beautiful women I had met and spent time with.  Their stories were swirling around in my head and my heart ached for them.  I was so sad when I first returned and I became despondent.  I was challenged by a friend to start living again…to start living my life of normalcy that they so long for…to live my life “not in spite of those who I met but because of those who I met.”  Most of all, I didn’t know that meeting and spending time with these brave and resilient women would change my heart; would change my life. I didn’t know that it would open my eyes to a world of suffering; a world of women and children who lived through war, who continue to live among the ruins of that war yet hold so much hope and have become my inspiration.  The women from the village of Djulici told us that their hope for us is that we would never have to live through a war…that we would always know peace.  I am moved by the fact that they wish for us, that which they do not know.

My life is no longer so safe, tiny and predictable.  My world has grown and my heart has been broken.  I look at things differently; my perspective has changed.  I feel privileged to now count myself among those who “have seen.”  I can’t stop thinking about the women I met in Bosnia and I have a passion to do something about those who suffer.  I’m not sure what I am called to do, so for now I tell their stories to anyone who will listen.  I use my written word on this blog and I use my voice to speak; to move and inspire others to do something.  Perhaps this is what I am meant to do.  This is my opportunity.  I will keep listening.

I have found myself being quiet, both inside and out since returning from Bosnia.  I never fully understood the power of silence; of stillness.  It is in silence that we open our minds, our hearts and our souls to what it is that we are to hear.  I believe that God quietly spoke to me through the women and children I met in Bosnia.  His voice was still, soft and slow.  I think that’s how He usually works.  His voice is subtle; we hardly hear it and then all at once we realize that a change has transpired within us. 

So this year, as I ponder the Christmas season, the fact that Christ came to earth as a baby, quietly, on a silent night two thousand years ago, I think about all the suffering in the world.  I think of those who have known war and who struggle daily to find peace.  I am reminded of a passage in the Bible, which says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16.33.  May your New Year be filled with places of quiet, silence, stillness and peace.

Be Silent...Be Still

Saturday, December 5, 2009
I spent the last 24 hours in silence.  Yes, me...silent for an extended period of time.  I was with 5 other women from my church at a retreat center on a beautifully wooded piece of property here in Northern California.  It was quite a moving experience.


I had previously done this only once and it was for a 6-hour time period.  It was May of 2009 and I didn't know what to expect.  If I am to be honest, the only reason I participated that time is because it took place in my home.  I was asked to host and the offer to participate was extended but not expected.  I thought it would look bad if I were to busy myself with my daily routine of life so I reluctantly agreed to join them.


I was nervous about the day, not about the hosting part but rather about the participation part.  I wasn't sure how I would be able to spend a full 6 hours praying and reading my Bible.  I had never done that before and it sounded rather intense.  My fears were quickly allayed when the leader of our group, Mae asked if she could borrow one of my light-reading novels, a Sophie Kinsella book, for the day.  "What?" I asked.  "You mean we don't have to pray and read the Bible the entire time?"  She then told me that the purpose of the period of silence was to feed our souls...to rejuvenate and refresh us.  We were encouraged to do whatever it is that feeds our souls and for each person, that thing looks different.  Well, to say that I was relieved was an understatement.
I had a great experience that day and I knew that I would want to do it again.


When this Silent Retreat was announced, I was interested but not compelled to participate.  It is, after all, December 5th, less than 3 weeks before Christmas and I have a million things to do during the next 20 days.  If only it would have been during a better time of year...one that is less busy...less stressful.  Wait a minute, perhaps that is precisely why Mae scheduled the Retreat for this time period.  Perhaps the thing I most need at this time of year is to take a break, to stop all the busyness and just be quiet.


As I left my home yesterday, I couldn't help but feel excited and relieved at the prospect of spending 24 hours in silence.  I was not reluctant to leave behind 125 Christmas cards, the "Laura's Christmas Peace 2009" CD playlist that I have been laboring over, the unending quest to find just the right 16th birthday gift for my daughter's upcoming birthday, the need to complete my Christmas gift shopping by the end of next week, the knowledge that my husband and children would be on their own today to buy and set up our Christmas tree, and the gnawing anticipation over the dinner party that we're hosting in our home on Monday night for my husband's 15 closest Investment Banker buddies.  Actually, I practically skipped out of the house!


As we entered into silence yesterday we were reminded of the following:

Don't work hard at being still.

You are not creating silence; you are meeting it.

Silence and quiet already exist; they are a part of God's nature.

You must learn to enter the silence that is.

And so it became silent in that space.  All of a sudden, we were acutely aware of all the sounds around us; the crackling fire, the ticking of the clock, the rustling wind outside.  It was beautiful and it was so very peaceful.  I actually found myself wishing that it hadn't begun so quickly because now the clock was counting down...counting down to the end of the silence.

My hours of quiet were spent reading and, of course, writing.  I wrote my annual Christmas letter and found that it came much more quickly than usual.  Perhaps that was due to the silence that surrounded me.  The peace.  The lack of interruptions.  No phones ringing, no e-mails to respond to, no facebook to check up on, no kids asking to be taken here and there.  All I had to do was to create...to look back over the year 2009 and remember...to document my families' activities, milestones and growth.  For the first time in my history of Christmas-letter-writing, I actually wrote more about my activities, milestones and growth than anyone else's.  I fully blame it on my travels to Bosnia!  And I'm honored to have had so much to share.

During my hours of reading, I became rather introspective, thinking about things such as self-denial and self-love; boundaries in my life; grief and what it is that I can learn through loss; emotions; and finally the dreams that I have for my life. I read, I thought, I wrote.  I could have continued for days, it was so powerful.  It seems as though I read and processed so much and each of these topics could be a future blog post.  Most likely, that is exactly what will happen, but for now, I want to focus on the power of silence.  When one is surrounded by silence, it is amazing the amount of thinking and feeling that can be done.

In the silence we open our minds, our hearts and our souls to what it is we are to hear.  In the beginning, it is challenging.  The temptation to continue making lists, solving problems and letting ourselves be distracted is great.  I had to keep bringing myself back to the task at had, to simply listen.  Before long, though it became natural and I reveled in the quiet, the stillness and the peace.  My mind opened to the challenges placed before me, my heart ached as I searched within and came face to face with some deep emotions and my soul was fed as I read of God's unending love for me, imperfect as I am.

Much too soon, our 24 hours of silence came to an end and it was time to re-enter the world.  I arrived home to the aroma of fresh-cut pine.  My Christmas cards are sitting just where I left them, the CD playlist needs to be finalized, the shopping still needs to be done and the evening with Investment Bankers is 24 hours closer.  I must say, though that I am better prepared to face the tasks at hand.

I had my time of peace and quiet and I feel refreshed and ready to tackle my tasks, one at a time.  I am calmer and I feel as though my inner core, my heart and my soul have been fed.  I am prepared now to focus on the true reason for the Christmas season.  Christ came to earth as a baby, quietly, on a silent night two thousand years ago.  I have been listening to a song by Audrey Assad and the lyric so beautifully reminds me of Christ's example to us of that stillness, that quiet.  I've included the link so the song can be listened to and the lyric is written below.  My hope is that we may all find a place of peace, quiet, silence and stillness in our lives.  

http://www.rhapsody.com/-search?query=winter%20snow%20chris%20tomlin&searchtype=RhapKeyword

Winter Snow

Could’ve come like a mighty storm

With all the strength of a hurricane

You could’ve come like a forest fire

With the power of Heaven in Your flame

But You came like a winter snow

Quiet and soft and slow

Falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

You could’ve swept in like a tidal wave

Or an ocean to ravish our hearts

You could have come through like a roaring flood

To wipe away the things we’ve scarred

But You came like a winter snow, yes, You did

You were quiet, You were soft and slow

Falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

Ooh no; Your voice wasn’t in a bush burning

No, Your voice wasn’t in a rushing wind

It was still, it was small, it was hidden

Oh, You came like a winter snow

Quiet and soft and slow

Falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

Falling, oh yeah, to the earth below

You came falling from the sky in the night

To the earth below

What used to be so important....

Friday, November 13, 2009

Fifteen months and twenty-one days ago I made a purchase.  I had thought long and hard about whether or not to do it.  Not only was it a bit pricey, but also purchasing it meant that I was going to have to do something I had never done before.  I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone.  Still, I wanted to do it.  I was excited to do it. 

At the time, July 23, 2008, I was still living my safe little life in my tiny little world.  I was fully complacent and quite content.   My life revolved around my family and my home.  I had recently discovered the joy of traveling to Las Vegas to see Barry Manilow perform.  His music moves me like no other, so seeing him perform live was very fulfilling.  I had heard about this thing called a “Platinum Package” that could be purchased.  For a small fortune, one had the opportunity to meet the man, one-on-one, have a photo taken with him, receive an autographed ‘something-or-other’ and sit in a front row seat for that evenings’ show.  The proceeds went to the Manilow Fund For Health and Hope, so that seemed pretty cool.   I fully embraced the support of non-profit organizations.

I thought it sounded exciting to meet Barry and have the opportunity to thank him for his music throughout the past 34 years.  I wanted to tell him how his music had helped me through some very difficult times and had inspired me….how listening to his music today takes me somewhere else….sometimes to the good places….other times to the not-so-good places.  I wanted to thank him for continuing to write, record and perform and to ask him if he would ever make another jazz album like his brilliant 2:00 AM Paradise Café record.   

So when the dates for the Platinum packages were announced, I had 48 hours to decided if I wanted to do it or not.  I, of course decided to do it.  I chose a date towards the end of the year so that I would have a good long time to look forward to my meeting.  As soon as I made my purchase, panic set in.  What if I froze when I walked into the room?  What if he was in one of his ‘bratty’ moods that night (you know how moody artists can be….)?  What if I said something really dumb?  Uh oh….what had I done? 

Well, as the months passed and I thought more about my meeting, I became less fearful and more excited.  I corresponded with several other women who were also going to meet him that night and began to really look forward to Friday, November 13, 2009.  I saw Barry multiple times during those fifteen months and became friends with many others who were also going to be in Vegas that weekend.  I started counting down the months, then weeks until my Platinum.  This was going to be the most exciting event of the year 2009 for Laura Ackerman, one that would never be forgotten.

Then I went to Bosnia.  I, of course wasn’t planning to go to Bosnia.  I had never planned on traveling out of the country, much less to ‘war-torn’ Bosnia.  Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone.  Nor had I planned on the changes that would transpire deep inside of me after meeting women who have lived through war, survived and were now my inspiration. 

I arrived home from Bosnia on September 22^nd a changed person.  Even at that point, I had no idea how very changed I had become.  Yes, I was a mess.  I cried at the drop of a hat, I thought incessantly about the beautiful women I had met and spent time with.  Their stories were swirling around in my head.  My heart ached for them.  I was so sad for what they had lived through and I couldn’t seem to re-enter my life as I once knew it.  I became despondent.  What used to be so important now seemed trivial at best.  I was challenged and ‘shaken’ by a friend to start living again….to start living my life of normalcy that they so long for…to live my life “not in spite  of those who I met but because of those who I met.”

It was about that time that I received word that several ‘Ultimate Manilow” shows had been cancelled; including the weekend that I had scheduled my ‘Platinum’ meeting.  No Barry Manilow shows…..no Platinum meetings.  My response?  “Oh well.  Maybe I’ll have the opportunity to meet him some other time.”  And that was that.  What?  But I had been looking forward to this event for more than a year!  I was counting down the days.  My flight and hotel reservations had been made.  It was to be the most exciting event of my year!  What was going on with me?  Shouldn’t I be devastated?  Shouldn’t I be angry?  Shouldn’t I be crying?  Huh….perhaps there were more important things going on in this world than meeting a celebrity.  Ya think?  I always knew that there were much more important things going on in this world than meeting celebrities, but now, I really knew.  My heart really knew.  I had seen, first-hand some of those more important things.  Yes, what used to be so important REALLY IS trivial at best. 

So, after fifteen months and twenty-one days, the DAY is finally here.  November 13, 2009.  I am not in Las Vegas and I am not going to be meeting Barry Manilow tonight.  Am I disappointed?  Sure, a little.  Am I sad?  Yup, a bit.  Am I missing my wonderful friends that I would be with right now?  Yes, A LOT!  Am I going to miss his wonderful shows that always make me leave feeling so happy and just loving everyone?  Absolutely.  Would I have enjoyed telling Mr. Manilow what his music has meant to me throughout the years?  Of course!  Do I still hope that I will have that opportunity someday?  You bet! 

But whether that day comes or not, I know that it will be okay because I am a changed person.  My heart will never be the same and for that I am thankful.  I will forever look at life through different eyes.  My heart breaks more easily, I am more sensitive and I still cry when I think of or talk about the women of Bosnia.  But I can talk about them now.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Jasmina, Remza, Shaharizad, Fata, and Hira.  Their faces are imprinted in my memory and I never want to forget them.  It is a privilege to tell their stories, stories of unimaginable loss, suffering, hope and inspiration.  Yes, THAT is what is really important.  Now I really know.  Thanks, Ladies…

Bosnia Blog Part 16 - 10/2/09

Bosnia Blog Part 16 - Friday, October 2, 2009, 10:30 a.m.

Things are getting better.  I’m gradually feeling more optimistic….more like myself….the oppressive sadness is slowly being replaced with a determination to do something positive with all that I saw and heard.  Don’t get me wrong…I’m still sad for all that the women of Bosnia had to live through and the struggles they endure on a daily basis, but I’m figuring out what to do with my experience.  Tears still come easily…..at the drop of a hat, but I believe that that will get better with time.  My friend Michelle told me that if I didn’t feel like crying at the stories I heard, THAT would be a problem.  Perspective….thanks Michelle.

There are a couple of things that I attribute to the progress I’ve made over the past week.  First is my family's willingness to listen to the stories as I relive my journey….to hear what it is that I have experienced.  It is so helpful to be able to share with those I love all that my heart and head are filled with.  And then for their willingness to say goodbye to me as I left again this morning, only 10 days after returning from my 13-day absence….Thanks for your patience and love, Paul, Nick, Emily and Christopher. 

Secondly, getting over my jet lag was a good thing.  I was so very tired for the first 5 days I was home that it was difficult to even think straight after 6:00 pm.  I think the most difficult day was Thursday, when Emily wanted to DRIVE ME, yes, Emily behind the wheel for my first time.  Oh my…that really tested my inner strength.  I was a bundle of nerves and I now know that the main reason for that was my jet lag.  Emily is a confident driver and has now driven me safely around town.  She even encountered a deer lunging out in front of the car the other night and handled it like a seasoned driver.  I have since apologized profusely for my behavior and I believe that she has forgiven me.

Third, the encouragement of friends and family.  Many of you have spoken so kindly of my writing over the past couple of weeks and you don’t know how much that means to me.  But me?  Really?  Putting all of this into a book?  Now that would really be a stretch for me….but then again, I thought that going to Bosnia was beyond my reach.  For now, you’ll have to put up with my written words on this blog. 

The final reason for my progress is the wise words I have received from so many of you.  This is all new to me, but for some of you, the world of “those who have seen” is very familiar.  You have walked down this road before and have figured out what to do with your experience.  I think the most compelling bit of advice came from a friend who has been involved with Humanitarian work for some 20 years now.  This is what he said to me, “Remember, you must live your life…not in spite of those who you saw…but because of those who you saw.  They want a life of normalcy; don’t give yours up because they don’t have it.  The better your life is, the more you can do for others” (John Smarge).  He suggested that I do something concrete, something that can be measured by its' progress in definite terms.  I get that and will do it.  He then told me the cold hard truth.  He said that if he were with me, he would probably shake me and tell me that I am only satisfying my own needs by being despondent.  “If you want to help, rejoice in what you saw and know that you will make a difference.  You can’t be in Bosnia…you live in the US.  Your life is here….Enjoy it!!!”   Yes, I told him that he was harsh and brutally honest and that I “considered myself shaken.”  Then I really thought about all that he had said and had to admit that he was right. 

So here I sit, at the Las Vegas Hilton, looking forward to seeing my pal Barry Manilow tonight.  As hard as it was to leave my family yet again this morning, I think it was exactly what I needed.  Being thrust back into life after my week in Bosnia was difficult.  I believe it was just as difficult for my husband and children as it was for me and I really needed this time away….away from all the distractions of life….to think and to write.  I’m already feeling better, but that might just be because I’m in the same building as Barry (oh, I'm just kidding!)  

I want to thank all of you for reading what I’ve written, for listening to me, for looking at my photos, for being patient and for being honest.  This journey is not over for me, but rather, it has just begun.  I have learned and been stretched more during the past 2 weeks than in the past 20 years.  I don’t know that I would have been ready for it 20 or even 2 years ago.  The time was right for me and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to have my eyes opened….to see and hear the unimaginable…..to see strength and resilience that only comes through suffering….to count myself among those who “have seen”….to be inspired by those who have lived through tragedy and have survived.  I won’t be despondent, though, and I will be proactive.  I will live my life and I will continue to be that “One Voice, (speaking) so they hear what’s on my mind….” 

Angela….did you say we’re going to MALI next?  WEST AFRICA…hmmmmm….get ready heart.....

Bosnia Blog Part 15 - 9/27/09

Bosn    Bosnia Blog Part 15 - Sunday, September 27, 2009, 
             10:20 p.m.

Re-entry is difficult….my heart aches and I’m not sure what to do with all that I’m feeling after spending time with and hearing the stories that the Bosnian women shared with us.  Living through war is unimaginable.  I feel very sad and I’m struggling to re-enter my life here at home.  All that I saw and heard is swirling around my head and heart. 

We spent the weekend in Santa Cruz at Christopher’s soccer tournament.  The distraction was good and there were many people who wanted to hear about my trip.  I’m glad to have been able to tell these women’s stories, but the sadness I feel is oppressive.  What used to be so important now seems trivial at best.  I really didn’t expect this….

Bosnia Blog Part 14 - 9/22/09

B        Bosnia Blog Part 14–Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 
             1:30 p.m.

It’s time to go home.  I’m so ready to go home.  I’m on my way home.  We’ve been in the air for 1½ hours and things are good here on Virgin Atlantic.  This morning began with a reunion with Ashley, who took Jeanie, Janet and I to Heathrow.  It was nice to see him again.  He had the starter replaced on his car the week after our little adventure and I’m sure he is happier than I am that his car is up and running again. 

He wanted to know all about our week in Bosnia and it was interesting telling him about it.  I know that I’ve been writing my thoughts down along the way of this adventure, but actually saying the words to a live person is a whole different thing.  On the one hand, I was so happy to be telling the stories of these women who think they’ve been forgotten.  At the same time, the emotions that rose to the surface surprised me.  It was as though I was sitting there with them again….reliving their nightmares, and I felt so sad.  It took everything in me to hold it together…to not cry.  Hmmmm….I wasn’t expecting that….Anyway, Ashley was moved by what we had to tell him and seemed to be inspired to hear about the strength and resilience of these women. 

Saying goodbye to Jeanie and Janet was hard to do.  It’s amazing how quickly women bond with each other over shared experiences.  I will miss them so much and I’m so thankful to have made new friends.  They both live in Southern California, so seeing them again shouldn’t be too difficult. 

Jeanie has worked for World Vision for 20 years and loves her work.  She and I were the only two women on the trip who hadn’t ever traveled out of the US, so we had something in common right from the start.  We really hit it off and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company during the trip.  We are thinking about meeting in Vegas for a long weekend sometime.  That would be really fun! 

Janet lives in Santa Barbara and her daughter, Jennifer was also on the trip.  Janet is a kind, soft-spoken woman with inner strength that I’m not sure even she is aware she posesses. 

I watched her open up to us throughout the week and was moved by what she had to say.  I am so glad to have met Janet.  Jennifer lives in Southern California and is a minister.  She is one of those people who you meet and instantly have respect for.  

What a wise woman she is.  Although our children are far apart in age (hers are 4 and 7), we did have motherhood in common and enjoyed sharing tales from the home.  I was impressed by Jen’s quiet, respectful demeanor and hope our paths cross again someday.

Mary….what can I say about Mary?  I actually knew Mary before this trip.  But now, I REALLY know Mary.  She works with the students at our church and is my daughter’s small group leader/mentor.  Because of their relationship, I have kept my distance a little from her, wanting to respect the connection they have.  During our week in Bosnia, though, all bets were off and we were destined to bond!  What great times we had in the back row of the van!  I don’t know that I have ever laughed so much and I really loved getting to know her better.  I am more thankful than ever today that Mary plays such a significant role in Emily’s life.  What a rock she is…truly gifted and such an incredible person.  Mary is Angela’s assistant (and so much more) and now I know why Angela’s work life runs so smoothly.  They have a great, respectful relationship.  Mary, I was so glad to hand that hard drive off to you after so carefully transporting the voluble contents home!  You’re the best!

I’ve already spoken at length about Angela, but let me just say that traveling with her was quite an adventure.  She really knows about leading a group and is quite proficient at it.  Not only was she concerned that we would all have the experience that she had told us we would have (which sometimes involved changing the day’s itinerary on the spot), but she was thorough, informative and ALWAYS funny! Angela really has a gift for watching out for those she is travelling with….and each of us had our unique needs.  I felt so cared-for and loved and I believed that the experience I was having was important to her on a daily basis.  I think we all felt that way.  She was so kind, respectful and caring to those we met and worked with along the way.  I would be honored to travel with her again.

I think it's a good thing that this is a long flight home.  While I am beyond excited to be with my family again, I feel so raw and that I have so much to process.  I wonder what the jetlag will be like when I get home?  I'm going to hope for the best and just enjoy reconnecting with those I love the most.  Now it's time for one more afternoon tea and scone.....yummmmmm!

I thi

Bosnia Blog Part 13 - 9/21/09

Bosnia Blog-Mon. 9/21/09, 11:45 p.m.

We arrived in Dubrovnik in the late afternoon on Saturday.  We stayed 

at the same hotel as before, the Hotel Dubrovnik, and our rooms were 

very comfortable. 

Saturday night we went to Dubrovnik Old City for 

dinner.  

In 1991, the Old City was shelled over several months during 

the Balkan conflict. Hundreds of historical buildings were blown apart 

or seriously damaged. Fortunately, Dubrovnik is now restored to its 

former condition and it is such a beautiful city.

That night, we walked down Stradun. It is the marble-paved main avenue 

that bisects Dubrovnik Old City. The street is constructed of these 

beautiful marble pavers that glisten in the night lights. 

The street 

level is full of storefronts and cafes, which are a wonderful place to 

sit and people-watch. Above the street level are apartments/homes 

which are mostly occupied by the store owners. There was a cathedral 

in the middle of the town and the streets were filled with restaurants....just one after another. 

It's very difficult to describe 

this area....while we were outside the entire time, because of the way 

it's constructed, we almost felt as though we were inside. But then we 

would look up and see the night sky. 

It was a beautiful evening, we had a wonderful leisurely meal and enjoyed a walk after dinner where we stopped for ice cream.  

On Sunday we enjoyed breakfast on the hotel veranda overlooking the Adriatic Sea.  

Some of us traveled to Dubrovnik Old City by boat and walked the wall around the city.  From the wall, you have beautiful views of both the city and the sea.  We had our final meal in Dubrovnik that evening and spent a little time reminiscing about our time in Bosnia, our experiences and thoughts about women traveling out of the US.  We then headed to the airport and flew back to London, arriving at Gatwick around midnight. 

We were taken to our hotel, the Soroptomist Residential Club on Bayswater Road, across the street from Hyde Park. 

Monday was Angela’s opportunity to share a bit of her home town with all of us.  

After breakfast, we took the Tube to Westminster Abbey and from there, caught a tour/cruise boat and headed down the Thames River.  There was so much to see and we enjoyed another beautiful day in London.  

We traveled to Greenwich, seeing the London Eye, the Tower Bridge and many other sights along the way.  

Did you know that the word WHARF is an acronym for “Ware House At River Front”?  This was news to me.  I indulged several of you who had insisted that while in London I go to a pub and have a beer, so I did just that while in Greenwich.  




I even have the photo to prove it…..I must admit though, that it isn’t my beer that I’m holding in the photo….I only took a sip of it….I just don’t like the stuff….sorry!  

After a mediocre Pub lunch of meat pies, yorkshire pudding with roast beef and fish and chips we headed back down the Thames.  We traveled on the Tube to Marble Arch, got off and walked to Marks and Spencer, a department store with a wonderful culinary section.  We stocked up on fruit, salads, scones, pastries and miscellaneous “you can only find this in London” items.  

We hailed a black taxi on the street and had a wonderful, colorful cab driver who indulged us with photos after the ride to our hotel. 

We had about 30 minutes to change and get ready to head out again, this time to the New London Theatre near Drury Lane to see the play Warhorse.  It was in a beautiful old theatre and we had wonderful seats in the balcony, front row and right in the center.  The play was very well done and the horses were, well, I guess you’d call them puppets.  They were life-sized and were operated by 3 people.  It was amazing how life-like they were….I almost forgot that I wasn’t looking at live horses on stage.  It was a wonderful story and I’m so glad we had the opportunity to go. 

We were exhausted by the time we arrived back at our hotel and I know that I’m not the only one of us who is beyond excited to be going home tomorrow. 

Bosnia Blog Part 12 - 9/19/09

Bosnia Blog-Saturday, 9/19/09

11:30 pm

Last night (Friday) was our final night in Sarajevo. I miss my family  

so very much, I'm exhausted physically and emotionally and can't wait  

to get home. At the same time, I really don't want to leave this  

country.  I feel as though we saw and heard so much yet only touched  

the surface. The women of Bosnia have left an indelible impression on  

my heart.  When I think of all they've been through yet they trusted  

us....six lily-white Americans....enough to open up and share so much  

pain, suffering and personal heartache, I'm moved beyond words.

I SO wish I could speak their language. Yes, we all smile, kiss and  

cry in the same language, but what I would give to tell them with my  

own voice how very sorry I am for their pain, how touched I am that  

they invited us into their homes and that I WILL bring their stories  

back to America.

Not only am I sad to leave the suffering women in Bosnia, but also I am not  

ready to say goodbye to the World Vision women who have made this trip  

so wonderful for us.  First of all, there is Maja, who has been with  

us all week long....translating seamlessly, not only the words, but  

words with such emotion. She handled the many glitches that appeared  

along the way like a seasoned veteran. She is kind, sweet, funny,  

bright and mature beyond her years.  If I could, I would pack her in  

my suitcase and bring her home with me. 

I will miss our daily hugs and  

many laughs. I love you, Maja.  I'm honored to wear the scarf you so lovingly removed from around your neck and put on mine, and I'm so glad we're going to keep in touch.

There is Claudia, Operations Director for World Vision, from Germany.   

We first met her on Wednesday. What a warm, accepting, professional,  

personable, and fun woman to be with. I really got to know Claudia in  

the van today during the drive from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik. We  

certainly had plenty of time to bond....7 hours to be exact. The  

stories she told Mary (one of the six ladies I traveled with) and I were both hilarious (about her personal life) and  

amazing (stories from the war).  The things the Bosnian people did  

just to survive, risking their lives to save their families are hard  

to believe.  I am looking forward to keeping in touch with Claudia, as  

well.

Sue, the World Vision Bosnia-Herzegovina National Director is a force to be reckoned  

with.  

A woman who just seems to "have it all together," we learned so  

much during our time with her. She is passionate about her work, the  

women of Bosnia and Humanitarian work in general. It was an absolute  

privilege to spend time with Sue.

I met Alma for the first time during dinner last night and had the  

privilege of sitting next to her. She is the Finance Officer at WV and  

was so vulnerable with us. 

Within minutes of sitting down, we, being  

women, started asking about each other's families.  Alma told us that  

she has lived in Sarajevo her entire life, is married and had a baby  

boy during the war. She said that no one would ever choose to do  

that....it just happened. She lived next door to the hospital and  

while giving birth, the power went out. Because she'd had a c-section,  

they had to suture her up in the dark. One day when her mother was in  

her apartment on the top floor with Alma and her son, she said that it  

just seemed "too quiet."  Her mother insisted that they go down to her  

ground floor apartment. Within minutes, Alma's apartment was  

shelled....the interior destroyed entirely.  Because they had a baby,  

the hospital provided food for her family during the war. They named  

him Damir...."Da" means "gift" and "Mir" means "peace.". He will be 16  

years old this month and she said that he truly was a gift to them. I  

was touched by Alma's kindness and vulnerability. I will never forget  

her.

Jasmina....what is to be said about Jasmina. I have never met a woman  

like her. I have already written much of her story down, so I won't  

repeat it here.  

When I think of Jasmina, my heart aches for all that  

she has endured, for how her life has changed since the war. 

But I am in awe of her resilience, her optimism and her leadership. She has the  

strength of 10 women and the determination of an entire army. It was  

an honor to be in her presence and a privilege now, to call her  

"friend."  (The two photos above are of Jasmina and her children during the war.  They are on the side of their house, and you can see the ditch they dug for protection.)

Finally, there is Kenan.....our fearless driver. I don't know many  

men who possess the patience of Kenan. He was with us from Sunday  

night, picking us up at the airport until tonight, dropping us off  

after dinner. He literally drove us EVERYWHERE.  He was a very  

careful, clever and brilliant driver. We were in quite a large van,  

driving along winding, coastal, mountainous, country, extremely  

narrow, often one-way roads. The way he maneuvered that van was  

impressive, receiving applause from us from time to time. Kenan was  

quite reserved to begin with and I'm sure he wondered what in the  

world he'd gotten himself into, chauffeuring the 7 of us all around  

Croatia and Bosnia for a week.  

He spent countless hours waiting for  

us, schlepping our luggage in and out of the van, and listening to our  

incessant chatter.  By the time we'd hugged and said goodbye to him  

last night, though, we'd learned a little about his life during the  

war and, I believe, he was a little sad to leave us.  He told us that  

his English was not so good a week ago, but that he'd really brushed  

up on it by the end of our time together. I'll always remember how  

kind he was to me throughout the week.  (Kenan is the 2nd man from the left)

There are so many others that we met during the week and they all  

contributed so much to our time in Bosnia. World Vision is a first-

class organization and I wouldn't hesitate to travel with them again.   

I hope I have the privilege to return to Bosnia and see these folks  

again someday.