Sleep continued to elude me, much as I tried to rest throughout the day yesterday. By the time Paul called me last night around 8:00 pm, I was, well...a mess. His simple question, "How are you doing, Darlin'?" brought tears. I told him I was fine (a lie) and he asked me if I had slept at all. I told him that I just couldn't sleep when I was away from Christopher to which he replied, "Maybe you should take a sleeping pill." I told him that I really didn't want to do that and I cried. He said that he was going to send someone over to the house to be with me and I said that I didn't want him to do that and I cried. He asked if I was okay being alone and I said, "No" and I cried. Yes, I was a mess. He remained calm and said, "Okay, Laura. I'll call you right back. A couple of minutes later he was telling me that I should take an Ambien and have a glass of wine. I cried (surprise!) but for some reason, I agreed to do it. Let me just say that I learned something last night: Ambien + wine + extreme fatigue/emotional exhaustion = SLEEP!!! I had only had 6 hours of sleep during the previous 86 hours, so the 10 long hours of sleep that finally came were a beautiful thing! I started today feeling like a new woman.
Today was much like the previous 96 hours in that Christopher's numbers have continued to fluctuate and he is still not regulating them on his own. He had several incidents where his CPP dropped into the 40's and we have all discovered that he really seems to respond to us talking to him and touching him. This is an indication of the fact that he is somewhat aware of his surroundings and is calmed by our presence. They tried to do a CT scan around noon and he became quite agitated by all the commotion. This caused his numbers to plummet, so they had to wait for them to return to normal and then they sedated him a bit more.
We met with his physician, Dr. Vivienne Newman late this afternoon and she spent some time answering our questions and going over the results of his CT scan. The swelling in his brain has gone down very slightly and the injured part of his brain is not in the back by his brain stem but rather in the front. We won't know exactly how this injury will manifest itself for some time. The waiting will be very difficult. We just want to know. Now.
We are looking at 3+ days until they begin to wake him up and it will be be several days to a week or more here in the PICU that they will spend gradually weaning him from all the drugs he is on. The thing that she told us that is still sinking in is that we should expect Christopher to spend several months as an inpatient here at Children's Hospital in Rehabilitation. The optimist in me simply hadn't entertained that as a real possibility, but I am now trying to wrap my arms around it. I guess it just makes this whole thing seem much more serious than I wanted to believe. Remember...Laura Ackerman is the eternal optimist. Paul challenged Dr. Newman to a bet when she told us about the months of 'inpatient' Rehab. He bet her one dollar that Chris would be here for a month or less rather than several months, but here's the kicker... the loser has to write 'I was wrong' on that dollar. They shook on it... stay tuned...
The high of the day for us occurred around 7:30 pm. His paralytic medication was stopped at 6:00 pm because Dr. Newman wanted to see how Christopher's reflexes were and whether he would respond to commands. He continued to be sedated, so he was very drowsy, but when he was asked to raise his arms, he lifted both of them about 3 inches! Then when his eyelids were lifted, he shifted his eyes over to look directly at Gayle. Finally, when asked to squeeze our hands, he did it! This was so encouraging and definitely made our day! I sat by his bed for an hour after that, holding his hand and periodically squeezing it. From time to time, he would squeeze back and at one point, I went to pull my hand away, but he wouldn't let me go. Once again, I cried...
Paul and Emily are spending the night at home tonight and I have the pleasure of being close to my Christopher through the night. I am not being facetious when I say that. There is nowhere I would rather be than right here. I am his mother. He is laying in a bed in the PICU, and I am right where I should be.
Love, Laura
To the Ackerman Family, My name is Chelsea Rivas, I am a school counselor at Stone Valley. Although I did not have the time to get to know Chris on a personal level, for the past two years I have had the gift of passing him in the halls, being in his classroom, and seeing him at lunch. With this I have had the special opportunity to see his infectious smile and sharp, bright blue eyes. One thing he was always full of, was life. I imagine this strength as well as the powerful love that is surrounding him will play a vital role in Chris's journey to and in recovery. My prayers are with you each and every day. Warmly, Chelsea Rivas
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