Christopher's Rehab/Recovery 12

Friday, May 14, 2010, 10:00 am

So last night I was feeling inadequate, ill-prepared for my future and most certainly overwhelmed.  The optimist in me assumed that I would wake up after a wonderful night's sleep in my hospital 'chair-bed' feeling refreshed, hopeful and mostly, no longer overwhelmed.  No such luck, though... We got up, Chris had a nice shower, we headed down to the 'Cafe' and had breakfast and then he went to Speech and Physical Therapy.  That is when I found myself with a little time to read my e-mail.  It was during that time that I cried (yes, I cried right there in 'The Friendly Cafe'), was fed, nourished and experienced the dissipation of those overwhelming feelings. With their permission, I'd like to share bits and pieces of their e-mails with you. I feel strongly that if their words encouraged me, perhaps some of you will find solace and strength in what they have to say. 

"Laura, So I know you have heard the phrase "God will not give you more than you can handle".  You may have had moments recently when you thought "God do you really know me?" Maybe it's an early morning "Can I physically or mentally provide Chris with everything that he needs to grow today?"  Maybe it's the longer term view "Does God really think I can handle everything that comes with having Chris come home?"   I am here to tell you God knows you can handle it. That you are a strong woman. That you are smart enough to learn and adjust and realize that you need the night off to recharge. That you have been given the ability to write so elequently to provide you with an outlet - a self-generated "therapy".  That you are emotionally intellectual enough to nourish yourself with the positive steps you see and yes the "Christopher-isms". That when the strain began to peak, you were given Nicholas's presence to reinforce your strength. Not a mere coincidence, but the results of a lifetime of you nurturing Nicholas to make him strong enough and sensitive enough to realize his family (and yes, his mother) needed him. The insight that brought him to the realization that it wasn't quite time to leave.  That your "One Voice" journey would allow you to grow and would maybe prepare you better for everything that has occurred over the past weeks.  This is not to say that it has been easy or will be easy going forward. Each step of the way you had to wonder how you were going to handle what came with being in the PICU, the stress of being out of PICU with less help, the day to day requirements of moving Chris towards that trip home and yes, in the near future the great journey of taking Chris home.  Each step of the way you have been given the strength to handle the new challenges and the assistance in whatever form it may be to give you that strength.  So yes "God will not give you more than you can handle."  More importantly God will not give Chris more then he can handle. It will take time, it will take the support of others, the energy of people you didn't know when this started or may not have even met yet. It may take the strength of the large number of people that have been brought into you story.  In the end, I am confident that this entire journey will make you a stronger more caring woman and that you will find some way to make the world a better place from your experience. In the end, your strength and the patience that comes with it will continue to allow Chris to grow and recover beyond the doctors' time line. Maybe just as important, this terrible event in Chris's life has given you, your family and more people than you can imagine a chance to appreciate what they have. A reminder of a perspective that makes us all better people." (Jill Smolen, Soccer coach and friend) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 "Dearest Laura, A day doesn't go by that I don't have at least 2-3 colleagues stop by my office and ask how Christopher is doing.  Without knowing him, they know him and care deeply about him.  There's something about the way we've been "wired" as persons made in the image of a loving, caring, compassionate God that binds us together at a level that seems to make sense only within the context of real, lived experience, don't you agree?  I was also thrilled to hear that Nick has decided to stay another week, and can only imagine how much that meant - and means - to you, Paul, and Emily.  Laura, although I know you knew you had a special family, I'm sure that you now believe it in a way that you may never have completely understood and/or appreciated.  I'm going to try to forward an e-mail I received from a student who was apparently in one of my courses a few years back, and I couldn't help but think of what's happened with Christopher and your family over the course of the past four weeks.  As you'll see, she's wrestling with some very real and troubling questions, and now I have the privilege - and a grave one it is - of responding in a way that seeks to take her, her questions, and her  doubts very seriously. And guess what?  What's happened to Christopher has now positioned you and Paul - and, of course, Nick and Emily - to be the face of Love to other parents whose children are suffering, and for whom the outcome may not be nearly as hopeful as it is for my one-of-a-kind nephew, Christopher.  What a responsibility, what a privilege, what a calling: God will now use your family in ways you never would have imagined just one month ago to be His very presence, to those who most need Him. Yours always, Scott"  (Scott Geis, my brother and College Professor of Ethics)

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"Hi Laura,

I want thank you for...being an inspiration for people that are dealing with problems. I am writing you to tell you about....(when I was a) care giver...I was able to take over 6 months off of work to be basically be (a) nurse.... I had hardly any medical training was basically (a) nurse, cook, cleaner and other things.  One week things were really bad....I didn't sleep more than 6 hours the whole week. I also was in bad shape. I prayed so much, and although I was winning at little battles, the main battle was over my head. I wish I could write you the whole story. But I wanted to let you know people are praying for you and your son. I know through your writings, that you can do this. Also that Chris was very lucky, as you see his progress (He is a fighter!). I'll keep reading your blog, just know, there are people out here who understand and care.

Take care of yourself!

Thanks, Ed" (Ed Zaleski, friend)

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"Laura, Just wanted you to know we notified our Peru office of your situation and Cristina Zavala, our Peru Country Director who Christopher met 3 years ago, sent us the attached picture of the staff praying for Christopher.  Additionally, Italo (our sponsored Leadership Development Student) and the church project where your Child Survival Program is located has the children, mom’s, pastor and congregation praying for Christopher’s full recovery.  Please let Chris know that he indeed has thousands of people praying for him!" (Mark Hanlon, friend, Compassion International) (Photo from Peru Compassion Staff)

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"Laura:  Your little brother here.  Just got the latest update on Christopher and am estatic with his progress!!! The little man is back!!!  So a quick detour - This coming week is a big one for me. (It) is the field meetings, where all of our analysts who are deployed with commands (upwards of 50) come back to CNA for a week of meetings.  And I'm in charge of this - it's the highlight of CNA's year and 700 CNA staff are eagerly awaiting the return of the field reps.  I got an email from my predecessor two weeks ago... telling me how stressed out he always got before and during the field meetings - he said he felt like he had an ulcer for two weeks and couldn't wait for the week to be over).  So here I am... two days before the start of the field meetings, and no stress. Nothing.  How could that be?  Well, it turns out that there's something more important than me and the CNA field meetings going on right now.  His name is Christopher and all thoughts and attention are turned to him.  When I think of the coming week, I think how important it is for me to not screw it up, how all eyes will be on me to produce a successful field meeting (my first of course), and my reaction?  Who cares?  It pales in comparison to Christopher and how he's doing.  No stress - no worries.  The main issue:  Did Christopher improve today?  Is he doing more on his own?   What did he say today that will make us laugh and remember why we love him so much?  The CNA field meetings?  Who really cares?  (Christopher is) my daily reminder of what's really important.  I've taken to calling him the "little man" since his accident - not sure why but that's how I refer to him these days.  

Love, Your baby brother" (Mark Geis, my little brother...)

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Yes, it is words such as these that feed me, that re-fuel my soul, that give me the encouragement that I need to face each and every day.  To put one foot in front of the other.  I have said this before and I'll say it again.  Please do not stop writing to me, sharing your thoughts and your beautiful words.  They mean more to me than you'll ever know.

Yesterday Christopher had the privilege of having his 5th grade teacher, Mr. Smith (photo above) visit him, and he brought an In'N'Out 'double-double-cheeseburger!  His friend Tinna (photo right) also came for awhile and it was great to sit with them and listen to them reminisce, share stories and laugh together.  It is in those moments that I get glimpses of the old Chris, and find comfort and hope in the future.  He's having a great day today and even went out for pizza with with his therapists and several other Rehab patients for lunch.  Tonight is 'Friday Family Fun Night' (for those of you who don't know what that is, I'll tell you all about it in tomorrow's blog) and we're bringing it here to the hospital since it can't take place in our home.  I'll take pictures and fill you in on all the details tomorrow.  Until then...

Love, Laura