Christopher's Homecoming 2

Wednesday, May 19, 2010, 4:45 pm The good, the bad and the ugly... that's what the past 24 hours have been filled with.  The good?  Well, I am pleased to say that there have been many, many moments of good!.  Christopher's homecoming was unbelievable.  Driving into our neighborhood, the first thing we saw was a sign saying, "Welcome Home Chris!"  About a block up the road was another poster saying, "Home~~~Christopher!"  Then...THE TREE.. it had been decorated by friends, complete with a board saying, "Epic Fail, You Evil Tree!!" (compliments of Christopher's friend, Tanner).  Chris thought that was so funny!   As we got closer to home, the posters continued, and then we turned up our street and saw the addition of balloons... lots and lots of balloons and more posters!  Then we rounded the corner and caught sight of something that just blew us all away... more than 75 friends lining the street, clapping, cheering, yelling, "WELCOME HOME, CHRIS!!!"  He just kept saying, "Oh, my gosh...Oh, my gosh...Oh, my gosh..."  This was his first Ah-ha moment... I have been trying to tell him about all the people who have been praying for him, calling, e-mailing and texting me, but he was having a difficult time grasping the reality of it.  Here is an example of how his mind works (or doesn't!) : He would tell one of his doctors that there are thousands of people praying for him.  Then, in the next breath, he would tell that same doctor that he had called his friend to say that he was in the hospital, having been in a coma for eight days, and he would say, "...and he actually KNEW that I was in the hospital!  (turning to me...) Mom, how did he know that I was in the hospital?"  He understands individual pieces of information, but putting them all together and comprehending the whole is where he struggles. Anyway, getting out of the car, Christopher proceeded to hug everyone, one by one, all the time shaking his head, laughing and saying, "I just can't believe this!"  I don't know when I have ever been so moved, so grateful and so in awe of the beauty of friendship...seeing a community rally around a child and his family...showing their love and support in such a tangible way.  I will never be able to thank each and every one of you who were there yesterday and who were a part of the organizing and decorating of our neighborhood, our house and the inside of our home, but please know how very much it meant to all of us!  If I were to estimate, I would say that there are somewhere near 100 balloons and 40 posters in our home right now.  Then there are the gift baskets... the one left on Christopher's bed (in his bedroom which had been decorated by his friend Connor and his family), the 'spa gift bag' left for Emily and I, the 'movie night' basket left by the Gothberg family, the many cards, gift cards and gifts.  You are all amazing and we will never forget how you loved us during this time. We enjoyed a bottle of Champagne (well, Paul, Nick and I did!) and celebrated Christopher's homecoming!  Nick and Paul cooked Christopher's favorite dinner... steak and grilled vegetables and Emily made his favorite dessert... 'Very Berry Cobbler'!  After dinner, we sat in the hot tub (something Chris has been talking about doing since coming out of his coma!) for about an hour and reminisced about the past month.  Because of all the excitement from the day, Chris began to wilt pretty quickly, so he was in bed by around 8:30.  As Paul and I went to bed last night, I said to him, "We're all together again... under the same roof, after 27 nights..."  Oh, did that feel good!  This morning, Christopher climbed into bed with me and we just laid there and talked for awhile.  He said that he'd slept very, very well last night and that he had forgotten how comfortable his bed really is!  Chief kept coming over to him and sniffing him, almost as if he just couldn't believe that he was really there!  I loved having my boy there beside me, just chatting away.  It felt so very normal.  We had an appointment to see his Pediatrician, Dr. Levine this morning.  As we sat there in the waiting room, I found myself looking around at everyone in there and thinking, "No one has a clue what this child (and his mother) have been through during the last four weeks... he looks and acts so normal... if they only knew..."  As we spoke with his nurse, Sonja, we told her of our journey.  She just stood there, tears in her eyes, saying, "You're a walking miracle... I just can't believe that you're here... talking... this is so unbelievable, I don't know if I should cry or shout!"  Dr. Levine held much the same sentiment, telling us that he'd been filled in by Christopher's doctor at Children's Hospital and that his recovery was simply amazing!  I later told Paul that, in some ways, I wish Chris could walk around with a big sign on his body, telling everyone the story of his journey! 7:30pm The  'bad and the ugly' came all rolled into one this afternoon when Nick, Chris and I arrived home after having been gone for several hours.  He was quite fatigued (very common after a brain injury and hospitalization) and feeling rather 'edgy'!  Now then... we have received many wonderful treats from friends, and our kitchen is filled with plates of cookies, boxes of cupcakes, and bags and baskets of candies and goodies.  Like...dozens and dozens of sweets... way more than we will or should ever consume!  I asked  Chris if I could have one of the oatmeal cookies and he took a look at the plate and said, "Hey... who ate so many of my cookies?" to which I replied, "I don't know, but I haven't had any... can I have one?"  He said, in a rather angry tone, "But I haven't had any yet... and besides, they'remy cookies!  All of these things are for me!"  I said to him, "Well, actually, if you look at the cards on them, they say that they are forChris and the Ackerman Family, so really, they're for all of us."  That didn't go over so well.  He replied with, "Mom... I know they're for all of us, but they really are for me!  I really don't know why you guys think this stuff is for all of you... they brought them for ME and you keep telling me that they are for YOU!"  I stood there, looked at him and said, "Look, Christopher, I love you very much and I will continue to listen to you and be patient with you, but I'm not going to put up with this crap!"  THAT went over really well!  Needless to say, he stormed off and was still upset about it when we sat down for dinner at 6:30.  Oh well... That little episode was a perfect example of how Christopher's cognitive abilities are compromised as a result of his brain injury.  He understands individual pieces of information but has difficulty putting them all together, seeing the bigger picture and making sense of it all.  THIS is what we are all dealing with, and I'm not sure who's more frustrated by it... Paul, Nick, Emily and I or Christopher!  Having spent a fair amount of time today doing battle with him, I am trying to accept that this is my 'new normal'.  I'm already planning my periodic escapes in an attempt to maintain my sanity... for the sake of the entire family!  I have fully committed to a 'Day in Napa' with several of my girlfriends on a Saturday in June and I'm counting the days... that would be seventeen... 9:00pm As I have said many times, throughout the past four weeks I have received the most beautiful e-mails from hundreds of friends and family members.  I have also received many, many e-mails from those I've never met, but who have heard about Christopher's journey through people we know.  These e-mails have been so very touching and I received another one this morning from a gentleman who lives in our neighborhood.  He began his letter with an apology... an apology for"sending a letter from someone you don't know."  Jason continued by telling me that we had actually spoken briefly on the day of the accident.  He said that he was still wearing his airline uniform and was on the line with 911 when I arrived on the scene, having just learned of Christopher's injury.  I wish I could say that I remember that brief interchange, but alas... I believe that my mind was elsewhere (perhaps on my child who was lying on the ground, unresponsive and so close to death and my 16-year-old daughter who was sitting in a heap on the curb, tears flowing for her little brother...) Jason continued his letter by saying that he wanted to thank me... to thank  me... (yes, that made me cry this morning and here I am again, tears streaming down my face).  He told me that his neighbor had forwarded one of my 'updates' to him several weeks ago and that he was "impressed with the courage and strength it took to write such a message under such difficult circumstances."  He said that it brought him "some peace to combat (his) own thoughts, struggling to cope with seeing a young boy hurt from a fall."  Who would have ever thought that my words would bring comfort to anyone.  There I was, leaning on the words of so many friends and family, pouring out my heart to all of you, utterly clueless as to how my sharing of my life-changing experience was impacting others...very humbling... Jason then said something that really struck a chord with me.  He told me that his father had always reminded he and his brother of something when they were growing up.  This is my interpretation of what he said... Our lives are not defined by the number of tragic moments we encounter, but rather by how we handle those moments.   I love that sentiment!  What a challenge it is for me as I move into this next phase of the journey... Christopher's Homecoming and beyond... Four weeks ago today, I had no idea how I would handle a moment, or journey like this.  Deep inside, I knew that I could do it, and now we all know how I did.  Interestingly enough, the last four weeks seem like falling off a log now.  Perhaps four months from today I will be able to say the same thing!  I have to assume that I will rise to the occasion and be there for Christopher in every way that he needs me.  I know that I will be far from perfect and that I will make many mistakes along the way, but hopefully we will look back on this time and say that this was one of those moments that defined both of us... by the way we handled it... Love, Laura